My mom's first words to me after breast cancer surgery

Were raspy from dehydration and having a breathing tube down her throat. She sounded like one of the sisters from the Simpsons when she spoke.

As she was pointing to her newly implanted D cup breasts, she asked me "Are you jealous?"

I was about 13 and I'm pretty sure my cup size was in the negatives, but these words eased any worry I had about her having the surgery in the first place. Now that she was mocking me, I knew she was fine.

This was my first recollection of many, many encounters with cancer within my family and it was the best outcome I could ever hope for.

One more reason my mother is amazing

Surgery on Friday, back to work tomorrow (Monday).

Yesterday, I realize I don't have anything that will be comfortable to wear to work.  I bring it up to Jeannie Mae to see if she has any khaki or black skirts I can wear (since I'll have to be in "uniform").  She doesn't.

So what's this saint do?  She goes out and buys khaki material.  What is she doing right now?  Making me skirts to wear to work.  She is a dream boat.  And one of the most wonderful people I have ever had the pleasure of having in my life.

The phone rings early this morning

It's Jeannie Mae and I'm groggy as shit.  Our convo:

"Hey Rij, I'm just calling to let you know your cousin got out of the hospital okay and her surgery went well."

"Okay...good.  Thanks mom."

"So, did you answer the phone to give me Katie's address?"

"Ummm...what?"

I proceeded to give her Katie's address.  Apparently I know it by heart.  I hung up the phone completely confused.

Roadtripping and re-gifting

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This is the plan for Wednesday - Sunday. It's approximately 2,800 miles and 2 complete days of driving under regular conditions. I'm completely stoked! It looks like it'll be snowing in Yellowstone most of the time we'll be going through it, but I've got chains and we're packing very, VERY warm. I'll also be crossing off 4 more states and finally having the West completed!

RE-GIFTING IS GRANDMA'S FAVORITE

A few years back Gma had come and done Christmas with us. We were all opening our gifts and when my turn came up I chose the gift from Gma. For whatever reason, the item I was opening up seemed familiar. Jeannie Mae looked over at what I'd unwrapped.

"Hey!!! Mom?!?! Isn't that the gift Den & I got you last year?!" Jeannie Mae exclaimed.

"Oohh...I don't know. Maybe. I give her now." Grandma says and points to me.

"You can't just do that."

"Oh. Why not? I no use it. I don't really like it anyway."

(Gma rules)

The pitter patter of little feet

I slept at my folk's place Christmas Eve so I could re-live my childhood (and by childhood I mean until I was 18) and wake my parents up at 5am on Christmas morning so I could open my gifts.  My dad and I even joke about it for a while and he said he couldn't wait until morning to hear the pitter patter of my feet coming down the hall to wake him up.

As usual, I didn't get back to their house until about 4am and didn't fall asleep until about 4:30 so around 8am I was the one who was woken up by the pitter patter of feet coming in to wake me up so we could open presents! 

I made out like a bandit this year and to top things off, I'm pretty sure I've got a solid plan for a 5 day roadtrip this coming week.  STOKED.

Also...my dad's "no beer for a year" plan ends January 4th.  He's under the assumption he'll be trashed in 2 beers.  January 4th, who wants to come with me to find out?!

Jeannie Mae

My mom always amazes me.  Besides all the gifts that she's MAKING for everyone she knows, she also makes hats, scarves, headbands and blankets for the homeless.  This year, apparently she's also making things to give to the students at her school.

Between her and another lady at the school, they've pitched in and every morning before school starts, they put 20-40 items under the school's Christmas tree and the kids who get there early enough can have 1 item each.  I guess the idea is to get the kids to school on time, or even early.

Jeannie Mae is a saint.

The game needed me

This "weekend" of mine has flown by.  With friends making coming in from out of town for the holidays, the baking and the xmas crafting I haven't had much time to sit around.  Gone are the days of being a cripple who does nothing.  It's a blessing and a curse I suppose.

Tuesday I got to craft in a group and it was amazing.  I hope it can be a more regular thing and not just a once.  Ever.

Wednesday I was supposed to go shopping, but decided I should sleep instead.  I never usually turn down shopping, as it IS one of my favorite past times, but I was tired.  Brandon comes and wakes me up about 40 minutes later to see if I wanted to ride motorcycles.  I couldn't go back to sleep so the two of us did about an 80 mile trip out to Lincoln and back.

Katie was in town and we went to dinner and then to the bar.  I had a ton of fun and chair danced a lot of the night.  There were quite a few people there and it was far from a dull evening.  I didn't get to bed until about 4.  I was very tired when I woke up at 9 to get to my folk's place to start baking.

Today I made 3 lemon meringue pies and helped with the pound cake Jeannie Mae made.  I ate so much I thought my stomach was going to explode.  I filled myself so full I didn't have much room for dessert, but...me being me, I shoveled it in anyway.  Fat kid status.  Brother and I got so full that once we sat down we were physically unable to get up.  It's a good thing I spent that 3 minutes working out on the rowing machine before dinner got started.  I showed that meal who was boss.  There were only 8 of us for dinner, which seemed awfully empty, but it was an extraordinary group of people that I was very happy to have close and share dinner with.  I can't think of a single Thanksgiving where the entire party could fit at one table.

Katie came over pretty late after visiting with her family and I drove her home.  I'm not looking forward to going to work tomorrow, but I am happy there won't be any traffic.  Gotta be happy about the little things, right?  Gotta keep that PMA until my new schedule come January!

There's a war around the corner

with no guaranteed winner.
Don't think I'm all political...totally not.  Those are lyrics, don't be silly.


This is the week of domestication apparently.  I'm waking up at or before 8 every day and even making  breakfast.  I tried baking some pies at my house and I don't think it went so well.  They just didn't turn out as good as I'd hoped.  There's something about baking at my folk's place with mom's recipes that just makes everything turn out well.  I feel like I should redeem myself with pies baked at her house!!!  During this pie baking extravaganza I threw in a gluten free pie for Brother and Brother's wife...it looked better than I expected and Amy even said it tasted good.

Last night I also mastered the incredible cable stitch.  It was something I was a little intimidated to do.  I'd tried it once before and failed (probably because I didn't have a cable hook) and refused to try it again, UNTIL last night.  I sat around watching the tele with the 'rents and Jeannie Mae and I knit up a storm while Dennis Lee flipped through the channels and critiqued my cabling.  Hahaha...he just didn't know what they looked like before sweater-form.

I'm pretty impressed my stitches are as consistent as they are.  I'm not used to purling, so I don't think this is toooooo bad.  I see small flaws and I know gma would, but I wouldn't expect any less from a woman who's a self-taught knitter since the age of 5.

I've also got a craft day set up for next week and I'm EXTREMELY excited about it.  It feels good to have friends who are into needle arts to work on stuff with.

Domesticated?

This is the homemade wonton soup Alissa and I made for dinner.

These are the pumpkin pies that I made for dessert.

The wonton soup was a little salty, but it was still pretty delicious!  Especially for our first time ever making wonton soup...especially from scratch!!

The pumpkin pie may taste like crap because I totally forgot to add a can of evaporated milk.  I was doubling all the ingredients to make 2 pies...and so I've only got the one can in the mix.  Yikes!!!

I think I'll make bread soon too.  Sweet bread is the BEST!!!!  Plus quality time with Jeannie Mae!!!

Knees in the breeze

I got on a motorcycle today for the first time in over a year.  I took Suzi for a spin around the block and when I got back Alissa jumped on the back.  I'm not going to lie...it made me a little nervous to have someone on the back of the bike, but I would never put anyone's safety at risk.  It felt good being on a bike again.  REALLY good.

Once Alissa hopped on the back, Brandon, her and I hit the road and headed to my folk's place.  We made it to good old Rio Linda and made a vat of wontons.  I think we made enough of them for about 13 people.  There were only 5 of us.  Yikes.  So if anyone wants to come fry some left over wontons that may or may not be good (it's unknown at this point)...please let me know.

At my folk's place Alissa got on Brandon's bike and took it for a spin.  She's basically a natural.

My dad also took the bike for a spin.  I was extremely surprised he didn't come back and tell me it was "a piece of shit," but he did tell me it needs some work (which I already know).

After Alissa took off for 15 minutes, Brandon freaked out and got Suzi and went to find her.  Apparently she made it down to THE busiest streets in a 7 mile radius.  How she did this...I have no idea.  She made it back safely and we were all off again first to Scotty's and then to Kip & Mel's for ANTM Wednesdays.

The ride from Kip & Mel's back to our place was...cold.  I kind of forgot and luckily for me Kip had hooked me up with a good scarf for the ride back.  My neck was warm.  Sore from keeping my head up against the wind, but warm.  I forget all the small things about riding.  Like how much I should get a full face lego-man helmet or how good it feels to have my wrist hurt from pulling in the clutch.  These things are bothersome, but in a very, VERY good way.

There was no game of Shoot the Gap.  I'm still trying to keep the bike in my half of the lane...especially with someone else on the back.  Besides, I would never do something that dangerous.  I'm responsible?  Pshyeah right.  Before you get off congratulating me, I'll probably be playing that game in no time as long as weather permits.

I love my new gloves.  I love my cowboy boots.  I love my friends.  I love my parents.

She's automatic, so automatic

Today's physical therapy session was rough.  I got a less elastic band for some of my exercises and my leg really got a work out.  Although it burned, it was a good burn.

After PT I went to my folk's place.  Dad warmed me up some left overs and we watched some baseball.  After Jeannie Mae finished mending some pants she was working on, she made her way into the front room and coerced Dad into changing the channel.  After Jeannie Mae got bored sitting around not doing anything with her hands she got up and started de-seeding pomegranates.  Next thing I know...cup of fresh squeezed pomegranate juice in my hands.  Yay for moms & dads!!!!

At Nelly's birthday party my dad ended up with camera diarrhea and took about 93845234501 pictures of the family and everyone there.  He's got his fancy iPhone so he takes pictures everywhere he goes.  Now, my dad's a pretty stubborn ass.  He's also extremely intelligent and into technology.  Before the MMS feature came out he refused to get a generic gmail, hotmail or yahoo email address so he could send pictures to everyone.  Absolutely REFUSED.

Since MMS has come out for the iPhone I keep telling him he's got to update his phone and each time he asks me how to do it.  Every time I tell him he's got to attach his phone to the computer and open up iTunes, he asks me, "So...how do I do that?  What's the website for iTunes?"  These conversations usually end with me telling him I'll update it for him and then when I get to the house he decides it's not worth the trouble.

Tonight was no different.  I told him I wanted him to send me a few of the pictures he took from the other day.  "Oh, well...how do I do that?"

"You didn't update your phone yet?"

"No.  Should I?"

"If you want to send picture messages you should."

"What do I need picture messages for?  I've got Bejeweled.  What else do I need?!?!"

COUNTDOWN COMPLETE.  RULING IT.

Who listens to Dashboard Confessional still?

Oh...that's right.  Me.  Living 8 years ago all over again.  But it's sooooooooooo good!!!  Especially at 6am?  Maybe.

Even though I am half actively trying to get on a more "normal" schedule in the past week I've gone from waking up at 11am to waking up at 3pm.  Oops!

This week I've got PT and doctor's appointments I've got to be awake for, so maybe that will help out with my hours.  After waking up and getting ready today I took Brandon to school and after I picked him up I headed to Aunt April's for Monday night dinner.  It was good to see the family even though I didn't get a chance to mosey around and talk to everyone.

During dinner Jeannie Mae was telling me about the rest of Aunt Nelly's 83rd birthday party.  Apparently Mom told Nelly that her sister (April) said she was sorry for not making it out, but wanted to wish her a happy birthday anyway.

Aunt Nelly looked Mom in the face, hugged her and told her, "Well that's awfully sweet of her to do that.  But I don't think I'm going to remember it soon anyway!"

A little bit later Nelly tells Mom it was her 84th birthday.  A little while after that Mom hears Nelly tell someone else it was her 85th.  There she was...aging years right before our very eyes!!!  Nelly's wonderful and has an amazing spirit and sense of humor.  Especially toward her memory!

After I got home my friend Grant came over and we went to Temple and had delicious tea.  Afterwards we came back to the house and I did some crocheting before getting sucked in by the interwebz yet again.

I want to get tattooed soon.  I've got some ideas in mind.  It'll be a while before anything happens, but I'm okay with that.  Priorities.

Less than twenty hours.

83 with a short term memory

My Aunt Nelly's 83rd birthday was today.  A fews years ago she had a stroke and lost her short term memory.  Ever since then she's introduced herself to me multiple times, including during the same visit.

The funny thing about her not having her short term memory, is that she remembers she can't remember.  So usually the introductions go something like this:

"Well hello dear.  And who are you?"

"Hi Aunt Nelly, I'm Dennis and Jeannie's daughter Rijel!"


"Oh well, is that right?  You're all grown up now."

"That I am!"


"Well, it's good to see you again.  Now I lost some of my memory and can't remember much anymore, so I might tell you who I am again later.  You'll just have to excuse me."


So you usually get 2 or 3 introductions at every event, but it's always fun and she's always so sweet about "meeting" you.  Also, on the way out she generally hugs you and says, "Well, it was real good to meet you!"


Depending on how everyone's feeling sometimes we'll introduce ourselves as someone else for funsies.  Then, we'll tell her who we really are about 30 seconds and she'll laugh and tell us she doesn't have a very good memory.  She's quite light hearted about the situation and seems to enjoy the joke.

Since Brother and Amy just got back to town mom and dad were wondering if they'd be joining us at the birthday party.  I sent Brother a text message.  The response I get:

No, tell her we were there though...she'd never know! =p

Needless to say, I called Brother a dick, laughed out loud (literally), then showed my cousin and parents the message and then we all laughed together.  Things are much funnier when there's truth behind them.

Farming an astronaut

My attempts to get on a "normal" schedule are failing horribly.  I woke up earlier today than I have the past 2 weeks, but it still wasn't even close to when I wanted to be up.  Then again, when you go to bed at 7am, how do you expect to be up by 10?  Although I woke up at 10, I felt the urge to seize the bed and lay in the comfort of covers.

I got new gloves AND a new pair of Keds today.  I no longer need shoes for my uniform next year since I made the purchase today.  My folks made left overs and Brandon and I went over to their house and watched How I Met Your Mother.  After we left Jeannie Mae's we headed over to the fabric store so Brandon could pick up some canvas for Jeannie Mae to make him a bag for his moto and I needed some small supplies for tiny projects I've wanted to dive into for a while now.  I also got 2 more skeins of yarn for a quick project for the night. 

I haven't been able to start and finish a project in a day for quite a while.  It's probably because most of my projects have been blankets and those aren't exactly 1 day projects.  I made a few more coasters for our house and I also made a winter cap.  

So if anyone wants to purchase a fantastic winter cap, let me know.  It's taupe in color and is a wool blend, so it's super warm for those cold windy nights.  It's got a tiny bill on it in case it gets a little sunny during the day.  I've made a few others and everyone who's worn them always gets fantastic compliments.  If you don't want to purchase it...but want one and are willing to trade, let me know what you've got!!!!  I'll also take a couple pictures later and post 'em up in case anyone is interested.

  

8 days.

Grandma gives good advice.

Since Gma was in town, I went over to Mom & Dad's to hang out for a while.  Just as expected, as soon as I got there Gma had her hands on some yarn and a needle.  She was attacking some needlepoint my mom had been working on for a Halloween present.  I asked her why she wasn't working on her own project and she tells me, "Ohh...you know your mom don't do right.  I fix!!!"

Now...my mother is a FANTASTIC craftista.  She can do every possible craft that involves a needle and thread or yarn AND she does it very well.  But whenever Gma comes to visit Mom finds all her latest unfinished projects and other items she couldn't get JUST right.  Then, grandma being grandma...she sees these projects, throws her hands up in the air baffled and goes, "Oh my gosh.  YOU do dat?!"

We concede.  Tell her we'll never be as good as she is (which is ridiculously true) and hand over the project.  Not only did we spend over 2 weeks to start and get to the point where we stopped, but we thought we'd done a pretty good job.  Grandma.  Grandma takes the project...gives it a once-over then tears the entire thing out.  Before she leaves for home (sometimes only a 2 day visit) she hands us back a finished product.  Better than it was when she was first handed the project.

As Mom, Gma and I were sitting around crafting on Saturday night I asked my dad to get me a pair of socks since my foot and toes were on the cold side.  Gma asked if it was circulation that was keeping it blue and I told her it probably was.  She stops and puts the needlework on her lap.  She looks me dead in the face and says, "Then you need to get up and walk around.  Stop be so lazy all da time!!"

"Grandma.  I'm on crutches!"

She starts laaaaaaaaaaaaaauuuughing!!!!!  It was the most darling laugh.  Her and my mother couldn't breathe because they were laughing so hard.  Then again...neither could I.

Tiiiiiiiired

Party time with Kevin, Melissa and the kids.  Party time with Scotty.  Party time with Jody & Amanda.  Party time with Jeannie Mae and Dennis Lee.  Party time with Jack & Jill and the porch.  Party time with Alissa, Kristin, Jack and 984572043 people I didn't know.  Party time with sweet tea.


I'm wiped.  Still jealous I'm not in another country and still on crutches.  Missing people who've moved away.  Thinking I need to call my grandma when I wake up, I'm becoming a terrible granddaughter.  Besides, she's got the most adorable accent and I miss her terribly.  Perhaps a trip to the hills is in the mix.  I'll have to see how my knee will hold up.  Probably not well enough...stupid thing still turns purple and my toes still get pudgy.  My knee still sucks.  I might be able to convince Jeannie Mae to go get grandma so I can hang out with her and talk yarn.


I need to get out of this funk.  I need to finish cleaning my room.  I need to do a massive amount of laundry.  I need to finish some in-progress projects.  I also NEED to get a pedicure.

A lengthy and amazing birthday

First off, I wanted to make sure I thanked everyone who sent me a happy birthday message, email, text, facebook, myspace or called.  I tried to get everyone, hopefully I succeeded.


All the night before Brandon kept telling me how I needed to go to bed early because I had to maybe wake up early.  I barely got any sleep all night because our house was ridiculously hot and I was filled with anticipation.  I mean...26, that's a milestone, right?!  At 6:30 I got a birthday call from New York.  At 7:30 I was sung the happy birthday song by my amazingly adorable 4 year old cousin and at 8 I decided I couldn't sleep any more and got out of bed and got ready for the day.  While I was in the shower grandma called to wish me a happy birthday and left a voicemail telling me I was lazy because she'd already been awake for 3 hours!  Super adorable!!!


I got a phone call from Bryce just after 9 and decided I was going to go wake up Alissa and Brandon.  I felt too bad about thinking of waking them up and finally they rolled out of bed around 10.  Both of them were completely surprised to see that I was up, awake, showered, in my birthday skirt outfit and ready for the day to begin!  They took me to an unknown destination for tasty birthday breakfast (Fox & Goose!!!!) where I got an olallieberry scone with devonshire cream, amongst other delicious treats.  We got back to the house and I fell asleep in a food coma.


There was a loud pounding on the door and next thing I know, Maria and Orlando are in the house with ICE CREAM CUPCAKES (WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!) and an ice cream sundae!!!!  They couldn't stay long, but they wanted to make sure they stopped by to say hello and happy b-day!  After eating ice cream...I decided a nap was in order.  I awoke from about an hour/hour and a half nap and Will said he was coming over to visit for a short while.  While Will was at the house, I put him to work in carrying some pizza and garlic bread back to the house so I could take it to my folk's place for a combined birthday/35th anniversary dinner.


Alissa and I headed out with my bicycle in tow.  We got to my folks house to dine with Bryce, Jody, Amanda (+baby),  Kip, Mel, Sydney, Emre, Brother, Amy, Scotty, Brandon and the 'rents!!!!!  There were more people there than I expected, so it was a pleasant surprise!!!!!  After a FANTASTIC dinner and visit with everyone, we headed home.  Just as I sat down I got a message from Jill saying she was headed to Rick's Dessert Diner with Dan, Buddy and some additional amazing people in tow!!!!  I told her right then that I would be there to indulge some lemon cheesecake.  I realize that with all this food...how could I be hungry?!?!?!  For dessert even?!?!?!  There's ALWAYS room for dessert!!!!  Maybe I'll just put on a couple pounds!!!!!!


After dessert, I headed back home and Peter came over with a care package of Shirley Temple ingredients, apple crisp and a gigantic cup full of Jelly Belly!!!!!!!!!!!!  Peter got Alissa and Brandon a little tipsy and Brandon some how coaxed everyone into his room to watch youtube videos of the Slap Chop Remix and some fat kid on a roller coaster with his mom laughing at him the whole time.  Go B!

Sunflower cafe today

So I'm sitting here in bed, typing this before I decide to call it a night and let my head hit the feathers. My computer's sitting on my lap, but the whole thing is tilted left. Am I partially sitting on one of the many pillows on this bed? No. Has part of the bed started to sag since I've been sleeping in the same exact spot for the past 4 weeks? No. Oh wait, is my left leg obviously smaller than my right? Bingo!! Guess I'll prop my leg up a bit with a pillow so I don't have to tilt my head to match my screen. Adjusts. Much better.

I think today was the third day in a row I've gotten up before noon. Go Rijel! Alissa picked me up and we had lunch at Sunflower Cafe. I've been dreaming about a nutburger all up in my grill (that's what she said?) for the past few weeks. The one I had was every bit as delicious as I was hoping it would be. Although the chickens and roosters were running about, there weren't nearly as many lingering around as I'm used to.

For the past couple days I was trying to figure out when would be a good time for me to finally head back to my house to finish up with my recovery. I've decided to venture back to the Grid on Saturday. When my folks got home today I let them know. Mom looks at me and seemed sort of sad. She just said, "Oh. Okay, are you sure you'll be alright at home?" Dad looks sort of stunned and confused, "Well...who's going to make you tea?!" he asks. I sort of laugh, but neither him or mom are laughing with me. They looked pretty bummed that I set a date to head home.

One of my all time favorite things revisited: actually laughing out loud at something sent via AIM message.

Favorite thing said today: "I just want to get mopped off and take a nap."

LIke a good ol' fashioned nightmare

Or not. The day was amazing to say the least! I got my hair cut (which always makes me extremely happy), got to hang out with good friends and was out of the house for 7+ hours! My leg wasn't thrilled with me, but it didn't hate me either. I think that means I might be heading home soon, much to Brandon's dismay. He's bummed because that means he won't have the house to himself anymore; to me it just seems like now he'll know how Alissa and I feel on a regular basis.

The only thing I really had planned for the day was to get my hair cut and since I can't drive myself, I asked Brandon to pick me up and take me. He said he would and that he had a couple houses to take pictures of for work and it wouldn't take too long so I told him I'd go with him. I figured he wouldn't mind the company and I could use some sun. So we went and took pictures of 3 houses and we called Scotty. We ended up staying and talking to Scotty for an hour or so why everyone poked and touched my super sweet knee scar. Brandon ended up getting 3 more houses to take pictures of while we were at Scotty's, so we all got back in the car and took a mini road trip around Roseville. It was rumored that Kip and Melissa were headed back to Sacramento to work on the house, so we got in touch with them and ended up getting dinner and hanging out at Teriyaki Bowl for a bit. I didn't get back to the house until just after 8 and Brandon went on to tell my mom that I hijacked him. My mom laughed. How is it that a handi who can't even close her own car door, let alone drive the car hijacked him and forced him to have fun with his friends? I know how: I'm THAT good.

Knee's being bothersome, hopefully I won't need meds to sleep, I haven't had any for 3 days and counting. Oh yeah...and I saw my main man, Nigel. He's looking sexy. Dusty, but sexy.

Atomic Fireballs

I completely forgot how much I adore that candy. Until my mom brought a bag home. Now my mouth is slightly sore. Totally worth it.

I was able to be part of Amber's Birthday Week today. Since I couldn't really go to her to celebrate, she came to me! And she brought me ice cream!!! She also brought me cards and proceeded to beat me in Skip-Bo, but I made my swift and calculated comeback and grabbed the rug from under the feet she thought she had firmly planted and kicked her ass in Phase 10. Okay, okay...it may or may not have been that good of a comeback, or that glorious of a win...but the fact is: I beat her. Man I hate losing!!

Later on the whole family came over for dinner. Mom made steam cake and we had key lime pie. If you were close enough to come get some and didn't (and don't bitch about not being invited...my mom's place is an open invitation kind of deal), you're at a major loss. Brandon came over for dinner. He had to fatten up his scrawny baby body and there's no way he's turning down a free meal, even if it means he has to drive 100 miles round trip. Lucky for me though, since he was at dinner I volunteered him to take me to get mah hurrrr did. I can't wait to clean up this mop. I won't have to blow dry my hair for at least 2 weeks.

I keep waking myself up all panicky in the middle of this dream where I jump up out of bed or off the couch without my crutches. For whatever reason my leg is fine and I can just walk around like normal and it seems like the crutches are just for show around my folks. Then I wake up panicked because I'm worried I'll wake up thinking my leg's good to go. I also keep daydreaming about RUNNING. Yeah, me. Dreaming about running. That's how I know I'm not awake. I fuggin' hate running.

Oh. And what the fuck is with Craigslist going down?!?!?! Yeah...so it wasn't very long. But that ish shouldn't happen. Ever.